FC Breakfast: Footballer Revives a Seagull, French FA Not Amused

Paris — The French Football Federation has opened an inquiry after a player known in dressing rooms as “FC Breakfast” resuscitated a seagull during a morning training session, an act the Federation has labelled “unauthorised outside interference with nature.”

According to eyewitnesses, the unnamed footballer noticed the bird lying motionless near the touchline, administered chest compressions with two fingers, and coaxed the gull back to life before it flew toward the Stade de France stands. While supporters cheered, Federation officials were less enthusiastic, citing “breach of protocol” and reminding players that “match-day mornings are for tactical focus, not ornithological heroics.”

The incident lands amid a turbulent week for French football. Wesley Fofana is already receiving Federation backing after alleged racist abuse on social media following his red card against Burnley, while Belgian winger Dodi Lukebakio has warned he will show “zero leniency” if investigations confirm racism in the separate Prestianni case. Off the pitch, Olympique Lyonnais have enlisted former rugby captain Olivier Magne as mental coach, and Marseille are scrambling to contain a major cyberattack that compromised club data.

Whether the seagull revival will draw sanctions remains unclear, but the Federation’s terse statement—“If it’s true, I cannot accept it”—signals that FC Breakfast’s breakfast-time exploits have ruffled more than feathers.